I’ve fallen into the trap recently of becoming complacement. Lazy. I came away wanting to get my writing done, study, enjoy the things I was doing at home and online; but to do it in a much warmer setting, whilst experiencing a different culture.
That was happening, and I was moving around at the same time, exploring, fulfilling my life in different ways with new places, new experiences and excitement.
In the last few weeks I have rented a small room for myself and my boyfriend, who is arriving this week. However in the run up to his arrival, because neither of us were entirely sure when it would be, I have spent my time preparing for him; nesting if you will. However, due to work commitments, his arrival date had to be pushed back, and I didn’t realise it until these past few days, but I’ve managed to put my entire life on hold for this. I’ve not been doing any of the things I love, instead have just been going to the gym, and working on my tan, thinking of nothing more than how big my bum looks, and filling my brain with self indudlgent and trivial thoughts, rather than doing the things I set out to do.
To add to this, I ended up doing something last week to a friend I have made here, that really, really hurt her. It was a completely drunken and foolish thing to have done, and I can make every excuse in the world, but essentially I hurt someones feelings, someone who I care about, and as a result of this, have spent the past week being rather critical of myself, and evaluating the kind of character that I am, if I could have done something so clearly hurtful to another human being.
So as you can see, even though I am in paradise, I’ve slipped from my healthy place of self love and self worth,which I was discovering, back to not really knowing who I am.
Thankfully, I feel that I realised this pretty quickly.
So having woken up yesterday morning, after an evening of drinking with friends from home, and a dark cloud of hangover and guilt looming over me, I packed some clothes in a bag, rolled up my yoga mat and caught a ride, North up the coast, to a small village called Balian.
I’ve been here now for less than 24 hours, but having got my head down last night, woken up early this morning, and completed a yoga session for the first time in ages, I already feel better.
I felt a sense of guilt; for feeling disappointed in myself; when I’m in the most beautiful place on earth, and I’m not sat behind a computer in an office in Highbury & Islington, working in a crap job for the council like I was before. I should be just embracing it, and being happy. But instead, I’d become lazy, waking up every day to lounge by the pool before going to my gym session down the road.
My brain works 1million miles an hour, and I know this. I need to have more mental stimulation to challenge myself each day. Yes, I’d be meeting people all the time, making friends, going for dinner, having drinks, but I still wasn’t filling my mind with substance.
I woke up this morning in Balian, and as I say, went to practice yoga. I then came back to my hotel for a breakfast of watermelon and pineapple with yogurt, and some gritty Bali Coffee. I then slipped into my bikini, grabbed my novel, and walked down to the beach. Here, in between reading chapters, I’d look up at the surfers taking it in turns to catch a wave, or the men out on the fishing boats, not too far from the shore.
I looked to my right, and saw the ocean crashing against the rocks that were jutting out into the water, and the little bungalows situated on top. To my left there was an expanse of more beach, with palm trees lining the way.
After overheating on the black sand, I gathered my things to return to my hotel, a short 3 minute walk up the cliff. I came to the (infinity) pool, even though where I’m staying is certainly budget accommodation, and took a swim, before stopping to look over the edge, at the waves rolling in from the Indian Ocean.
I’ve since been sitting in the sun, taking positive actions to get myself back on track with where I need to be. I’ve done some writing, and looked into more online work, as well as chasing up some other things that have been sat at the back of my mind, niggling at me.
I’m glad I took the escape to Balian. Yes, I was living my own paradise in Canggu, but even the most perfect of places have their way of grating on you.
For me, I needed the change of scenery, just so I could hit the refresh button, and remember why I was here.
If you’re reading this and you feel like you need somewhere with no distractions, and somewhere that literally will give you a reminder of the true Bali, and not the tourist version, I can whole heartedly recommend Balian. I’ve achieved more of my “to do list” here in one morning, than I have done in one week in Canggu.
After spending a couple more days here, I’m going to head back to the relative hustle and bustle of the hipster town, and keep my newly rediscovered work ethic intact, finish my online studies, whilst getting some writing jobs under my belt. And then finally get to see my beautiful boyfriend. Perfect.